Mirror Image.

Just as the title says, I'm looking at my reflection.

Figuratively.

But let's get back to that later.

Today was the day I return to college from two weeks of holidays!

NOOOOOOOO. UGHSOUNFAIR.

Hehehe.

Today...I took some pictures. I tried camwhoring. Sadly, my eyes were blinded by the flash of my camera and my eyes went small (like smaller than how they are now, because I'm Japanese and my eyes are small).

And I ate fried noodles while studying Law. 

And I would have loved to post the pictures here but because my net is a retard I apparently cannot.

T_T

So, back to my reflection.

FYI, I only stand in front of the mirror to check how I look, and not look at myself and literally contemplate about myself. And I don't strike poses. (....lol).

Anyway, as I was saying... 

I like to see couples. I like to see them because they're always full of love and I think about what nice things love can bring. And that it must feel so nice to be with someone you really like and feel comfortable and be loved (by a person besides your parents).

At the same time, I feel so envious.

And I totally hate that, because in my opinion I don't deserve feeling envy for something like this.

The truth is, when I actually do feel something for a person and the person talks to another girl I feel jealous.

It is a horrible feeling.

Yes, in my opinion I don't deserve to feel envy for something like this.

Why or how should I be feeling envy, when I know that if I were to like someone, it would stop (like a switch) and I would lose all those feelings for him?

It just wasn't fair. And I can't blame anyone for feeling this way, because it's my feelings.

I have to say, my emotions are too much for me to bear. At least the negative emotions.

Because I would always welcome positive emotions.

After all, if I lived in happiness and joy all day, then I wouldn't have to feel that awful heavy weight on my heart and that tightening of my stomach into knots.

Or feel like I was drowning in water when I can always get back to the surface.

Why do I have to get back to the surface?

Why couldn't I just let myself drown?

Probably because it's not something in my character to do.

And I'm not at the stage of wearing a mask...yet.

Or maybe because I was too scared to drown.

How sad. I wish I could. I probably would have stopped myself from making this blog if I did.

But I'm not regretting making this blog. And I feel better writing this post.

But today, once again, there was a heavy weight on my heart and the tightening of my stomach.

And my feelings were running wild inside me.

I was glad I stayed as passive as ever while I kept that all inside me.

~Saera.