Just The Way It Is.

Why do I imagine my hands bleeding when I walk through the entrance?

Why do I wish I could bleed without feeling any pain?

And how long will I keep imagining it?

I know I lost a fight before I tried.

And they say, 'He's not worth it', just because he hurt me.

So then if every one I like hurts me, they're not worth it?

Do you think I deserve someone better?

How long do I wait, to find someone who deserves me or who I deserve?

Don't feed me with lies or hope that won't happen.

Don't make me wish, when the star is falling.

Let me hide and run away.

Let me laugh while I cry.

Use me, drag me, carry me like a doll.

Because I know I lost a fight before I tried.

'They're indecisive'.

But I don't care.

I'm just letting it go.

Because I've really started to learn how to give up before I realize it's given up on me.

I always take a deep breath before I falter.

Then I'll smile to cover up the heavy weight.

'What's wrong with you?' I'll be there for you.

Even if you fell for my close friend.

And I sigh, (sigh), it's jealousy taking over me.

But she's much too dear for me to lose over you.

There're others who are much better than me.

That's why I don't need to bother confirming that I'm not the one.

And I'll grow up to be those old ladies with plenty of cats in my home.

Haha (At least I have my cats).

Won't you laugh too? Because I am (I think).

I don't force myself to feel sad but it's better to let it out while it's there.

Or else I'll have 'eyes like tunnels'.

And I'll feel a peculiar pain whenever I touch anything. Just like before.

But before this I knew he called me a 'bitch' and found me annoying.

And there was no choice because I couldn't stop myself, no matter how much I wanted to.

It will hurt me when you tell me the worst (in my case) but I'll accept it.

I'm only human. I'm only dumb. I'm only ugly. I'm only fat.

It's ONLY me.

What have you got to lose, when I'm not around?

If I didn't exist, your life wouldn't have changed.

Don't tell me it would, because if I didn't exist you will never know me.

And then you'll pour sweetness onto me.

In the next minute you won't care about me.

It's happened before, it'll happen again.

And then I'll laugh again. Again. Again.

And I'll hate myself for my insecurity, my lameness and my weakness.

And I'll hate myself for being too dependent on someone. Anyone.

Because I hate being lonely. And I still haven't felt the feeling of being alone yet not lonely.

I'm switching between my past and my present.

I run away before I hit a dead end.

And you're still going to tell me, 'Stop being a retard and cheer up', or 'Stop being a jackass and stop thinking that way'.

Can I say 'Bullshit'?

I don't because I just don't want to hurt you.

And I will always imagine the blood dripping off my fingertips.

Sid and Nancy had the best time of their life.